theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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