we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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