if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize