The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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