We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I did not marry a roomba.
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