I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
