I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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