Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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