Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
