Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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