Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize