It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
