I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
