Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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