this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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