I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
