I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
