big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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