just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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