Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
