the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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