never play flip cup with pint glasses
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
