Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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