she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
