i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
