Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
