I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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