I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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