Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
