Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We left an ass print on the piano.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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