Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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