M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
