I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
