I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Im part way to drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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