I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
