what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
