Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
