garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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