The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
