well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
