you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
