At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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