I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
His nipple licking is glorious
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
