if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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