I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
