nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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