You really coming over, don't trick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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