ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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