Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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