Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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