His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
