I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
