Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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