My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
