next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
