I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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