when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
