p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
