please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
