If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His nipple licking is glorious
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