I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize