thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
