I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
