i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize