Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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