dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
