Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
