If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
tell me about the eggs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
