so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
