please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
