Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
