i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize