I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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