just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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