youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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