my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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