I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
