he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
