If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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