What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
