she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize