Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
