I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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