There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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