There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
