Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
