Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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