Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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