I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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