My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
