I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
