She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
