I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
