Where did you get a picture of my penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
