At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Enjoy the penises
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
