also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
