i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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