id be glad to
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
