I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize