I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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