Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
