by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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