you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
